Just Stop It

Assalamualaikum wbt

I can’t sleep. Looking at the time now (5.50 am) makes me feel I don’t want to sleep at all. Otherwise I might wake up late. And need to leave the house in rush. And will be late to reach the hospital.

I wonder why. Whenever I’ve made up my mind, there is still a little something that comes and knocks my heart. Is this a repentance that I have to pay to make me feel ‘Yes, I deserve it’? So that they (whoever they are) will feel equal and so, we are no longer rivals?

If that what they want, they have got it since long ago. I am broke with nothing left with me. So, please. Just go. And let me carry on with my life. And don’t compare life of yours with mine. And the memories of yours with mine. I may have a little of them but to me, they worth trillion times better than yours.

Can I say, the most bizarrely-good word to describe my feeling at the moment is: Let me go. If they really do, that calls for a payback from me. Maybe a day of fasting?

Note 1: I need someone to hold on to. Or else, they will keep comparing the good and bad with me. Can’t they just let me go? Kadang-kadang hidup ini memang penuh kegilaan.

Note 2: Referring to ‘note 3’ in my previous entry, it seems that I won’t have any Wednesday since I do not sleep all night long.

Posted on March 4th, 2009 by Sarah  |  12 Comments »

Of The Weather

sunrays1

Assalamualaikum wbt

I’ve been very busy with my current posting (which is going to end soon) and revision for exam. My sleeping schedule is in a total mess. Regardless of the time I crawl into my duvet every night, I will still wake up at 6 the next morning. If I hit bed at 3.30 am, then how long did I get my sleep? But yesterday was really different. I slept around 10 pm and woke up at 4.30 am to study. I was struggling against my moodiness. I guess, the best antidote for me is sleeping. That will be my lifetime cure besides food. Huhu.

The weather is getting hotter. I am afraid to bid goodbye to the winter as if I am not going to have any chance to entangle myself in snow anymore (I wish to further my study in, errr, a four-season country again! Haha. Somehow I will still follow my husband’s decision. So, don’t bother to plan anything, Sarah. Hahaha. It’s always funny when it comes to me talking about marriage). 😆 However, the sun is no longer hiding behind the thick whitey clouds. I overheard some Russians in the metro addressed today as the first day of spring. As for today, the sun was very bright. It was +2’C and snow has started to melt. In fact, I walked home from the nearby station with my coat left unbuttoned. It was not cold at all. I can now smirk at my new spring coat that I grabbed during last winter sale.

A funny incident took place in the metro on my way back from hospital. There were five of us riding in the same vagon. Well, have you been laughed by one whole vagon and you have to face them throughout the 30 minutes journey? It was not me by the way. But I was there and a part of them too. Anyway, my friend had tried her best to help people. And I am very proud of her initiative trying to save something though it turned out she looked amusing. It was the first time ever I saw the whole vagon laughing together over one thing without any hesitation to cover up their voice (Russians used to be very silent and mind-your-own-business type when riding on the public transports). Ok. I still feel like smiling and lauhing whenever I recall the incident. Hehe. 😀

My friends and I have a short presentation in class tomorrow. May all ten of us do our best so that we can complete our credit hours earlier. 😎 The above photo was taken from my window this evening. Hoping for tomorrow to be bright and shiny as today. Maybe in a few days, I am ready to bid farewell to my last winter in Moscow and to welcome the spring.

Note 1: Someone requested for my carbonara. Will consider to prepare it tomorrow.

Note 2: I’m supposed to go for blood check up tomorrow morning but I’m purposely going to skip it. :mrgreen:

Note 3: In this entry, today refers to Tuesday and yesterday refers to Monday. I haven’t changed my day setting yet since I’ve been awake throughout my Tuesday. Wednesday will only be here when I wake up tomorrow morning. 😆

Posted on March 4th, 2009 by Sarah  |  5 Comments »

From Moscow With Love (i)

sunset

ducky

Assalamualaikum wbt

Since I have nothing much to tell today, I just want to share these two photos which were taken back in 2007. The lake is located nearby my hostel and people can see me almost everyday at the lake, jogging and wandering aroung with my earphones on. But that happens only during spring and summer.

Today is March 1st. Officially, it is spring here referring to calender count. However, there is no single fresh green leave we may see yet because practically it is still winter. Snow is still everywhere. Temperature is still below zero. Neither leave nor flower is blooming. People are still walking around in thick winter clothing and bicycle is still impossible to be seen. Anyway the temperature is getting hotter. -2’C is considered as hot for me. Hehe.

Those photos were taken during spring. I can still remember that day. I was fasting. I went to the lake to have some walk and photo hunting. Subuh time was around 3 in the morning and Maghrib came in around 9.30 pm. When I reached home, I was totally weak and energy-less. On that very fine day, I fasted for more than 18 hours. Oh. Die.

Starting by this year, all my juniors are compulsory to do their attachment course in Moscow during summer break. Meaning that they can’t go back to Malaysia since three quaters of the holiday is going to be spent here. Lucky me, I am leaving Moscow for good this year. So, I wish them all the best working with those strict unfriendly senior doctors. Don’t forget to get some walk by the Moscow river in the evening and go cruising during weekend. That’s the very least I could suggest you all now. 😆 Anyway, Moscow is even prettier when the sun is setting down. Don’t miss it. You will find your summer practical in Moscow is so much memorable. Hehehe.

What I want to highlight here is about the prayer time. During summer, Subuh is around 2.30 in the morning. Usually, we pray first before hitting bed. That is the best way. Otherwise, so many of us tend to miss it. Since Isya’ is about 12 at midnight, we will keep ourselves awake to wait for Subuh. Maghrib time is around 10.30 pm. So, you do the math. How long will we see the sun for one day long? And how long is the real dark night that we have here? Hehe.

Another thing is, by end of August, Ramadhan is approaching. Yes. They have to fast in the real long hot summer some more. 20 hours of fasting duration. Wah. That sounds more likely to those time during Rasulullah and friends fasting. A very long day. I hope that my juniors like it in a way that at least, they have this kind of experience. :mrgreen:

Lucky me, I am already back to Malaysia for good by that time. Hoyeah~ (I feel like putting up the banana rock emoticon that I have in Plurk. But obviously I can’t. Huhu). 😆 But one thing for sure, I will miss all my fasting memories with friends in Moscow though. I will miss how I rushed back to catch the fast breaking session with housemates. I will miss how I sleepily tried to make sure I took morning breakfast everyday and woke my dear housemates up too. I will miss how we prepared extra special menu during weekend. We would have everything from the main course, side dish, traditional desserts and fresh fruits. I will miss fasting for only 9 hours during winter time. And I will miss how we rushingly went to perform Tarawikh with dear Muslims here. Oh. So many memories suddenly appear in my head.

Whatever it is, finally I am able to celebrate Ramadhan with my family this year. And I am going to perform my Tarawikh at masjid again (Oh my God! It has been ages I haven’t been to masjid for Tarawikh activity!). Oh. Yes! I am going to celebrate Hari Raya with family too! Ya Allah. So many things You reward me after 6 years of suffering. Thank You, Allah!

Note 1: I’m going to have grand puasa sunat with my dear Plurkers (on Monday). Mind to join us? Jom!

Note 2: It seems that I’m going to continue reminiscing the past in part ii. Hehe. 😆

Posted on March 1st, 2009 by Sarah  |  49 Comments »

Udara

Assalamualaikum wbt

Selepas makan malam tadi, saya bersantai melayari Youtube. Seminggu kelas, seminggu jugalah saya bercerai kasih bertalak tiada dengan Youtube.

Entah kenapa tadi saya ulang dengar lagu Mahakarya Cinta. Dengar dengan sungguh. Dengar dengan hati. Mengadanya ayat ni. Tapi itulah kerja lagha yang saya lakukan tadi. Janganlah contohi saya ya.

Cukuplah dulu malam ini. Saya sekadar hendak meninggalkan jejak sedikit saja sebelum membuat operasi melawat blog kawan-kawan pada hari esok. Mood saya sejak kebelakangan ini ialah mencari udara saya.

Nota: Sajak Bahasa Rusia yang pertama sekali saya kupasi bertajuk Zhdi Menya (Konstantin Simonov, 1941, Rusia) . Ini bait yang paling saya suka: Zhdi menya i ya vernus, tolka ochen zhdi (Tunggulah aku, aku akan pulang, tolonglah tunggu).

Posted on February 27th, 2009 by Sarah  |  9 Comments »

Doa

Assalamualaikum wbt

Mari menulis. Pendek saja hari ini. Tapi tak janji. Tapi, insya Allah. Ya Rabbi. Macam budak-budak dah ni. Budak-budak pun dah lama dah buang tabiat janji buruk begini.

Sudah hari Jumaat pun kita. Surah apa yang menjadi pilihan kamu semua ya? Pada hari Jumaat, ada beberapa surah amalan yang disunatkan untuk dibaca. Yasin, Ad-Dukhan, Al-An’am dan As-Sajadah. Boleh rujuk di sini untuk info yang lebih banyak. Saya kan nak menulis pendek saja. Nanti kalau saya hurai satu persatu, berjela lagi panjangnya entri saya. Kalau saya, saya membaca Al-Kahfi. Al-Kahfi pun surah yang dituntut untuk diamalkan.

“Nabi s.a.w. bersabda; “Siapa yang membaca surah Al-Kahfi pada malam Jumaat maka akan menjadi cahaya yang terang untuknya dari tempatnya sampai ke Kaabah.” – Riwayat al Baihaqi dari Abu Saied R.A”

Pagi tadi, saya mula menyedari sesuatu. Setiap pagi saya dipenuhi dengan macam-macam doa. Silap hari bulan, orang di sekeliling saya boleh tersalah anggap saya sedang membaca jampi serapah atau apa. Terkumat-kumit saja mulut saya ni. Saya cuba ringkaskan ceritanya.

Bangun tidur –> Doa bangun tidur –> Doa masuk tandas –> Doa selepas wudhuk –> Doa keluar tandas –> Doa memandang cermin (Kata nak jadi cantik, kan. Haruslah diamalkan. Huhu) –> Ma’thurat (sughra/kubra) –> Beri salam sebelum keluar rumah –> Doa keluar rumah serta mengucap dua kalimah syahadah.

Tamat satu sesi. Sesi seterusnya pula.

Nak turun escalator –> Baca doa naik escalator –> Masuk metro (subway train) –> Baca doa naik kenderaan –> Baca nota dalam metro –> Baca doa penerang hati dan segala doa belajar saya yang tujuh jenis tu (Kadang-kadang dipendekkan) –> Keluar dari stesyen metro –> Baca doa keluar rumah dan mengucap sekali lagi –> Masuk hospital –> Baca doa penerang hati.

Ha. Tu dia. Ok. Saya nak ringkaskan juga penerangannya.

Doa-doa di awal pagi hari tu semua pun maklum sebabnya kenapa, kan. Jadi tidak perlu untuk diterangkan. Bermula dengan doa keluar rumah dan mengucap, saya amalkan doa ini untuk memelihara diri sepanjang berada di luar rumah. Kenapa perlu mengucap sekali, kerana di tahun satu dulu, kes bom dan pukul banyak terjadi. Dulu-dululah. Bom tu pun sekali saja yang pernah terjadi di depan mata saya. Jadi, ini menjadi peringatan kepada saya bahawa mati itu boleh terjadi di mana-mana saja. Kalau mati di sini, tengah nazak-nazak tu, mana ada orang di sekeliling yang nak ajar mengucap. Jadi, sebagai persiapan, saya mengucap siap-siap. P. Ramlee kata, moga-moga mati dalam iman. Ye dak? Eh, maksud saya, setidak-tidaknya biarlah saya mati dalam husnul khatimah (penyudah yang baik).

Doa naik escalator. Doa apa ni? Tahukah anda bahawa doa menaiki escalator adalah sama dengan doa menaiki kenderaan? Hehe. Saya pun baru juga tahu ilmu ini. Baru dalam dua tahun lepas saja. Itupun selepas saya mendengar sebuah mau’idah (ceramah) oleh seorang pendakwah berbangsa Arab yang bercerita tentang hikmah berdoa. Video ceramah ini diberikan oleh kawan saya berbangsa Tunisia. Kalau saya tak dengar ceramah tu, sumpah sampai sekarang pun saya tidak tahu agaknya.

Kenapa bila keluar dari metro, saya membaca doa keluar rumah dan mengucap sekali lagi? Kerana perjalanan dari stesyen metro ke hospital agak jauh. Mengambil masa lebih kurang 15 minit. Itupun dengan berjalan kaki laju macam pelumba jalan kaki. Kurangnya saya berjalan tiada lenggang-lenggok pinggul macam pelumba tu saja. Kalau tak, saya dah boleh masuk bertanding kot. Biasanya saya jalan bersendirian. Ada banyak perkara boleh terjadi. Jadi, saya saja-sajalah ulangi semula doa saya dan syahadah saya. Jika ada apa-apa yang terjadi, moga-moga Allah lindungi saya.

Buktinya ada. Ni bukti kecil sajalah. Di kawasan hospital pagi tadi, ada seekor anjing menyalak kepada dua orang yang berjalan lebih kurang 20 meter di hadapan saya. Saya sudah seram sejuk waktu tu. Kalau setakat saya lalu dan anjing tu duduk diam saja, saya tak kisah. Tapi kalau ia menyalak, seriau juga darah saya ni. Tak memasal, saya berlari dikejarnya nanti. Saya menoleh ke belakang. Ada dua orang perempuan sedang menuju ke arah saya untuk menuju ke Obstetrics Departement atau mungkin juga menuju ke bangunan utama. Saya berhajat untuk menunggu mereka berdua dan berjalan sekali bersama mereka. Tapi saya berfikir semula (Ha, tengok. Otak saya sukalah cari pasal dengan saya kan. Sempat lagi suruh fikir ulang-ulang kali). Mesti mereka tak selesa ada orang asing yang tiba-tiba saja mendampingi mereka.

Jadi saya teruskan perjalanan. Saya cuba kawal pernafasan saya supaya anjing itu tidak sedar bahawa saya sedang keseraman. Allahu Akbar. Macamlah anjing tu boleh tahu berapa laju jantung saya berdegup waktu tu. Saya nampak anjing tu menuju ke arah saya. Saya istighfar dua, tiga kali. Anjing tu betul-betul di tepi saya. Tapi sedikitpun ia tidak menyalak sebaliknya kemudian terus ke tepi untuk kencing. Wah. Hebat kuasa Tuhan. Saya amati semula apa lagi yang saya ada lakukan pagi ini. Tiada apa melainkan doa keluar rumah dan syahadah yang saya ulangi dua kali. Mungkin itulah kot hikmahnya. Ini pada hemat saya saja. Pada orang lain, mungkin lain pula kisah dan tafsirannya.

Ok. Dalam perjalanan balik, apa pula doanya. Mari lihat.

Hampir sama dengan rutin di atas –> Masuk metro –> Baca doa naik kenderaan –> Pandang keliling –> Baca doa tidur –> Tidur!

Huhu. Dalam perjalanan balik, badan dah penat. Kepala dah berat. Terapinya hanya satu. Tidur. Tiada yang lebih nikmat melainkan tidur. 😉

Baiklah. Saya nak teruskan bacaan. Pendekkah entri ini? Tidak berapa nak pendek sangat, kan. Maaflah. Menulis itu memang terapi dan aktiviti masa senggang saya. Tak dapek den nak nolong!

Nota 1: Jumaat sudah tiba. Wardah gitu. 😉

Nota 2: Selawat, selawat. Nanti Nabi tak bagi kita syafaat di akhirat. 🙂

Posted on February 26th, 2009 by Sarah  |  26 Comments »