Dunia Sarah

Assalamualaikum wbt

Entah macam mana, kecelaruan otak melanda malam ini. Maka saya duduk membaca di bawah meja sekali lagi. Sampai satu tahap, otak sudah terlalu tepu. Saya capai keluar buku sajak saya.

Ah, sudah! Otak pula mengeras. Saya menyedari hal ini sejak sebulan lebih yang lalu. Beberapa buah sajak yang saya tulis dalam tempoh ini semuanya tidak berjiwa. Sajak yang berjiwa itu bagi saya ialah sajak yang boleh membuatkan saya sendiri rasa terkesan. Kadang-kadang boleh menangis dan boleh juga tersenyum seorang. Macam orang sedang perasan tu.

Nampaknya, akan terkuburlah satu hajat saya kali ini. Tak mengapalah. Mungkin memang tiada rezeki untuk kali ini. Saya tidak akan menyuarakan sesuatu yang bukan datang dari jiwa. Terasa palsu. Dan berlakon. Dan menipu. Jadi, baik tidak diluahkan apa-apa. Nanti jadi cacat sungguh bunyinya.

Nota 1: Kaklong saya menyukai blog ini. Poskadkeheaven. Unik kan.  Dia menyarankan saya membacanya. Katanya, tulisannya pendek. Maksud pun jelas. Bagi saya, penulisnya buat kita rasa hendak bercinta. Tapi bahaya juga. Bukan semuanya sudah bersedia. Ajaibnya, penulisnya seorang lelaki. Saya tabiklah pada encik itu. Bahasanya sungguh penuh dengan gula dan madu dan halwa dan manisan dan hati dan jiwa dan cinta. 🙂

Nota 2: Jumaat dah ni. Selawat, selawat.

Assalamualaikum wbt

Memang hidup ni penuh kegilaan. Kadang-kadang, kita tidak memerlukan kata-kata untuk menjernihkan keadaan.

🙂

Air di kali kembali jernih,
ikan di kuala tidakkah dibubu;
adik di hati bertali kasih,
abang di sana tidakkah begitu.

Auwww~

🙂

Nota 1: Saja–saja ni. Hehe. Kasi ceria di pagi hari. Semalaman saya menghadap nota. Kasi peluanglah nak ceriakan hati sendiri, kan. Sebenarnya hari ni, Insya Allah, hari terakhir untuk posting ini. Seronoknya hati. 🙂

Nota 2: Entri lepas bukan cerita tentang dendam. Itu cerita tentang orang yang suka mengungkit dan membandingkan. Dan saya adalah mangsa walaupun saya bukan di tengah-tengah. Abaikan sajalah. Tak boleh nak buat apa dengan orang macam tu.

Assalamualaikum wbt

I can’t sleep. Looking at the time now (5.50 am) makes me feel I don’t want to sleep at all. Otherwise I might wake up late. And need to leave the house in rush. And will be late to reach the hospital.

I wonder why. Whenever I’ve made up my mind, there is still a little something that comes and knocks my heart. Is this a repentance that I have to pay to make me feel ‘Yes, I deserve it’? So that they (whoever they are) will feel equal and so, we are no longer rivals?

If that what they want, they have got it since long ago. I am broke with nothing left with me. So, please. Just go. And let me carry on with my life. And don’t compare life of yours with mine. And the memories of yours with mine. I may have a little of them but to me, they worth trillion times better than yours.

Can I say, the most bizarrely-good word to describe my feeling at the moment is: Let me go. If they really do, that calls for a payback from me. Maybe a day of fasting?

Note 1: I need someone to hold on to. Or else, they will keep comparing the good and bad with me. Can’t they just let me go? Kadang-kadang hidup ini memang penuh kegilaan.

Note 2: Referring to ‘note 3’ in my previous entry, it seems that I won’t have any Wednesday since I do not sleep all night long.

Assalamualaikum wbt

I’ve been very busy with my current posting (which is going to end soon) and revision for exam. My sleeping schedule is in a total mess. Regardless of the time I crawl into my duvet every night, I will still wake up at 6 the next morning. If I hit bed at 3.30 am, then how long did I get my sleep? But yesterday was really different. I slept around 10 pm and woke up at 4.30 am to study. I was struggling against my moodiness. I guess, the best antidote for me is sleeping. That will be my lifetime cure besides food. Huhu.

The weather is getting hotter. I am afraid to bid goodbye to the winter as if I am not going to have any chance to entangle myself in snow anymore (I wish to further my study in, errr, a four-season country again! Haha. Somehow I will still follow my husband’s decision. So, don’t bother to plan anything, Sarah. Hahaha. It’s always funny when it comes to me talking about marriage). 😆 However, the sun is no longer hiding behind the thick whitey clouds. I overheard some Russians in the metro addressed today as the first day of spring. As for today, the sun was very bright. It was +2’C and snow has started to melt. In fact, I walked home from the nearby station with my coat left unbuttoned. It was not cold at all. I can now smirk at my new spring coat that I grabbed during last winter sale.

A funny incident took place in the metro on my way back from hospital. There were five of us riding in the same vagon. Well, have you been laughed by one whole vagon and you have to face them throughout the 30 minutes journey? It was not me by the way. But I was there and a part of them too. Anyway, my friend had tried her best to help people. And I am very proud of her initiative trying to save something though it turned out she looked amusing. It was the first time ever I saw the whole vagon laughing together over one thing without any hesitation to cover up their voice (Russians used to be very silent and mind-your-own-business type when riding on the public transports). Ok. I still feel like smiling and lauhing whenever I recall the incident. Hehe. 😀

My friends and I have a short presentation in class tomorrow. May all ten of us do our best so that we can complete our credit hours earlier. 😎 The above photo was taken from my window this evening. Hoping for tomorrow to be bright and shiny as today. Maybe in a few days, I am ready to bid farewell to my last winter in Moscow and to welcome the spring.

Note 1: Someone requested for my carbonara. Will consider to prepare it tomorrow.

Note 2: I’m supposed to go for blood check up tomorrow morning but I’m purposely going to skip it.

Note 3: In this entry, today refers to Tuesday and yesterday refers to Monday. I haven’t changed my day setting yet since I’ve been awake throughout my Tuesday. Wednesday will only be here when I wake up tomorrow morning. 😆

Assalamualaikum wbt

Since I have nothing much to tell today, I just want to share these two photos which were taken back in 2007. The lake is located nearby my hostel and people can see me almost everyday at the lake, jogging and wandering aroung with my earphones on. But that happens only during spring and summer.

Today is March 1st. Officially, it is spring here referring to calender count. However, there is no single fresh green leave we may see yet because practically it is still winter. Snow is still everywhere. Temperature is still below zero. Neither leave nor flower is blooming. People are still walking around in thick winter clothing and bicycle is still impossible to be seen. Anyway the temperature is getting hotter. -2’C is considered as hot for me. Hehe.

Those photos were taken during spring. I can still remember that day. I was fasting. I went to the lake to have some walk and photo hunting. Subuh time was around 3 in the morning and Maghrib came in around 9.30 pm. When I reached home, I was totally weak and energy-less. On that very fine day, I fasted for more than 18 hours. Oh. Die.

Starting by this year, all my juniors are compulsory to do their attachment course in Moscow during summer break. Meaning that they can’t go back to Malaysia since three quaters of the holiday is going to be spent here. Lucky me, I am leaving Moscow for good this year. So, I wish them all the best working with those strict unfriendly senior doctors. Don’t forget to get some walk by the Moscow river in the evening and go cruising during weekend. That’s the very least I could suggest you all now. 😆 Anyway, Moscow is even prettier when the sun is setting down. Don’t miss it. You will find your summer practical in Moscow is so much memorable. Hehehe.

What I want to highlight here is about the prayer time. During summer, Subuh is around 2.30 in the morning. Usually, we pray first before hitting bed. That is the best way. Otherwise, so many of us tend to miss it. Since Isya’ is about 12 at midnight, we will keep ourselves awake to wait for Subuh. Maghrib time is around 10.30 pm. So, you do the math. How long will we see the sun for one day long? And how long is the real dark night that we have here? Hehe.

Another thing is, by end of August, Ramadhan is approaching. Yes. They have to fast in the real long hot summer some more. 20 hours of fasting duration. Wah. That sounds more likely to those time during Rasulullah and friends fasting. A very long day. I hope that my juniors like it in a way that at least, they have this kind of experience.

Lucky me, I am already back to Malaysia for good by that time. Hoyeah~ (I feel like putting up the banana rock emoticon that I have in Plurk. But obviously I can’t. Huhu). 😆 But one thing for sure, I will miss all my fasting memories with friends in Moscow though. I will miss how I rushed back to catch the fast breaking session with housemates. I will miss how I sleepily tried to make sure I took morning breakfast everyday and woke my dear housemates up too. I will miss how we prepared extra special menu during weekend. We would have everything from the main course, side dish, traditional desserts and fresh fruits. I will miss fasting for only 9 hours during winter time. And I will miss how we rushingly went to perform Tarawikh with dear Muslims here. Oh. So many memories suddenly appear in my head.

Whatever it is, finally I am able to celebrate Ramadhan with my family this year. And I am going to perform my Tarawikh at masjid again (Oh my God! It has been ages I haven’t been to masjid for Tarawikh activity!). Oh. Yes! I am going to celebrate Hari Raya with family too! Ya Allah. So many things You reward me after 6 years of suffering. Thank You, Allah!

Note 1: I’m going to have grand puasa sunat with my dear Plurkers (on Monday). Mind to join us? Jom!

Note 2: It seems that I’m going to continue reminiscing the past in part ii. Hehe. 😆