The Dying Soul

Assalamualaikum wbt

I’ve been browsing my Neurology notes a few times since I started the holiday. It seems that I am so much into this subject. But I mind you to think otherwise. I didn’t really enjoy Neurology but I admitted that while having this cycle during my 4th year of study, it keeps haunting me like a curse where I ever did wrong in my previous life.

Why do I hate Neurology? Oh. Sorry. I do not hate it but speaking on this matter, I will tell you that I am actually regretting the consequences faced by the patients. I think hard on how could people bear such diseases where they have not been alarmed before? Do you know how do neurologic diseases progress? They progress slowly. The sick body will slowly weaken. And the patients anyhow have to accept it by fate.

The intolerable part of it is when it comes to the degenerative type of diseases. The patients shrink in size. Melt in length. Disable as an invalid people do eventhough the souls are actually healthy and free but are prisoned inside the dying body. If it develops from the bottom, the right leg for instance, then it will progress to the left, raises up to the waist, chest and finally only the eyes that still can blink and the tongue that still can move.

They become fully dependent on others. Even other people have to wipe their behind and help them to urinate. Even worse if they pee on others as they can’t control the urgency anymore. Have we ever imagined to put up ourselves in theirs? How would it be, I mean the feeling, if we have to depend on other people to do our private stuffs? How would it be if we actually have a lot to tell but since the vocal cord doesn’t functoining good anymore, so we just have to keep them to ourselves? And if we are lucky, maybe our fingers are still working to let us jot down what do we feel on papers. The feeling of detachment is wrapping the patients, I reckon. Detachment from the world that left behind, detachment from the people who used to be with before.

So, what is the most important thing to them? Love is the answer, I bet. Love from the family members that endlessly support them throughout the suffer and love from the people around them who are not supposed to leave them because they are sick and dying. If they still can befriend them, support them and take care of them even to the little stuffs like helping them to wipe their running nose or the flutter foods out of their mouth when they choke while eating, this is what we call unconditional love. Money can’t provide you happiness and contentment but love does and empowers you more than that.

Sorry for dragging you all reading such a medical based entry. I’m writing this because I apparently miss my patient who last time I met him, he was still on his own in everything but his steps were weak and the way he held my hands during the check up was weak too. I wonder how has he been at the moment. Anyway, he’s suffering from Spinocerebellar Atrophy. Just like Aya in the movie One Litre Of Tears had.

I thank Allah if he is still alive and surviving right now. And I thank Allah too if he already passed away for not delaying the suffer that he faced while on the earth.

Note 1: I know I am not going to be a Neurologist after all. If I really have to choose, it would be the last on my list. I am still wanting to be a Cardiothoraxic Surgeon, insya Allah. But my Aunties are against me for some reasons…

Note 2: I’ve been working on a project barely 2 months. But what I’ve got in return???

Note 3: Internet still not working at my place!!!


Hari buat dia:

82) Saya terjumpa nota kecil lama di dalam buku saya yang tertulis dengan ayat ringkas ini: Jangan membazir, yang disertai dengan sedikit kiraan Matematik yang saya tidak ingat lagi untuk apa tujuannya dan nombor telefon seseorang yang saya tidak pasti milik siapa.

31 Responses to “The Dying Soul”

  1. faisal says on :

    ehem, lagu jawe nampak,kikikiki…mmg suka lagu ni sarah..:)

    walaupun sy tak brape faham bab2 ni tapi sy tahu benda tu sesuatu yg serius dan sukar terutamanya bila libatkan saraf2 nih,huhu…sarah, cardiothoraxic tu per?hehe..

    kekadang Allah nak berikan ujian kepada manusia mmg dalam pelbagai bentuk..:) Ia sekadar nak bagitau kuasa Allah tu amatlah luas dan tak terjangkau akal manusia walaupun berapa byk ilmu kita belajar..

    sy mmg ada pengalaman jaga org sakit ni beberapa kali, semangat dari org yg datang tulah sedikit sebanyak membantu mereka untuk terus hidup..:) btw, sy mmg suka baca medical based entry nih,hehe..sbb diluar lingkungan pengetahuan sy,hehe


  2. nurmahani says on :

    salam sarah,

    one litre of tears sangat sedih…sampaikan bengkak mata menangis…huhuhu


  3. myfisol says on :

    Alhamdulillah!..syukur saya kerana dikurniakan kesihatan yang baik hingga setakat ini…minta2 akan beterusan

    Agreed…tender loving care is what we need, it’s not the money for those who are dying. we can search for money but having someone who cares in our tragic moment is difficult…

    Good posting Sarah, as always….

    Hope you the best in your study, and do come back with a good degree and experience..serve the people, we need more doctors like you…especially the tax-payer like me…hehe..


  4. hantu says on :

    SCA – Spinocerebellar Ataxia…not atrophy kut coz its not a muscle to begin with


  5. rightbrainer says on :

    salam kak sarah yang pandai membedah

    waa… rabun mate baca entri pasal perubatan neh. saya ni nak tengok organ pun tak berani. mesti sebak kan bile teringat pesakit2 kak sarah tu..

    cartho-hapa-ke-nama-nye-tah tu pe dia?


  6. Pengusaha Cowbra says on :

    lagu sayu,sampai nanges bace.

    walaupun x paham. tp munyiknyew sgt sayu.

    ryn x khatam nengok one litre of tears sbb sgt sedey. xtahan nengok.

    setat episod 7 da nanges belaka.

    sarah,ryn da bace da 🙂

    xleh nak komen ape2. hiks!


  7. Pengusaha Cowbra says on :

    psst ! meh kasi nomor tuh kat ryn. hahak!

    kiraan itu adalah kiraan dwet raya utk rynn yg sarah lom kasi.



  8. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Salam buat semua.

    er.. sy mmg suka lagu ni dr 1st time dgr thn lepas. dulu dh penah letak kt playlist blog dh. tp kali ni jd lagu pilihan sbb bila dgr smlm, jd tenang je. Cardiothoraxic surgeon tu pakar bedah yg khas utk bahagian dada je. yg libatkan heart (jantung) dan lung (in certain cases). di msia hanya ada a few. tp tak tau la mcm mana nnti. mak pak sedara mcm tak kasi sbb belajarnya lama. diorg tanya sy nak kawin dgn buku ke. kekeke. bila sy start course ni dulu, awl2 dulu ada histology. belajar sel2 badan ni. belajar tu je pun dh buat sy insaf sbb betapa besarnya kuasa Allah boleh buat apa je sampaikn sekecik2 hal pun diaturNya dgn baik… belum lg mcm mana Dia jadikan penyakit2 yg symptom nya dtg sikit2 n berakhir dgn mati.. Allu Akbar!

    lama tak dgr khabar awk mahani 🙂 mmg cerita tu tersangatlah sedih. isk isk isk.

    Bro Fisol:
    Unconditional love given by people around us is the thing that stands us through the hardship. that endures the soul to keep hoping n surviving. Alhamdulillah utk kita semua yg masih sihat kan. tp sungguh. i cant bear looking at people with neurologic disorders. sedih… while meeting them, i always pray that they are just having a simple ones, not the degenerative ones. erk.. sy mmg nak balik msia. tak mau duduk sini! cukuplah belajar je kat sini. huhuhu.


  9. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    erm.. im talking abt the disease. that is why the term comes to Atryphy/Dystrophy. u are correct if we are talking abt the symptoms. Ataxia would suit it better. Ataxia is used when we are diagnosing the pation preliminerily. as for example when we confirm the diagnose of gait disturbances. thanks for sharing. mybe, in different countries, different terms are being used. i still remember, a friend of mine in NZ use a few different terms for a few diseases 🙂

    Cardiothoraxic surgeon tu pakar bedah yg khas utk bahagian dada je. yg libatkan heart (jantung) dan lungs (in certain cases). di msia hanya ada a few. tp tak tau la mcm mana nnti. tgk la mcm mana. ada rezeki, ada la kot akak yg comel ni di IJN 1 hari nnti. hihik.

    Ryn Ku Sayang:
    mmg cerita tu sadis sgt bila dh separuh cerita tu. tak larat tgk. tp sy takdela bergelen-gelen nangis. kalau nangis, nnti mata bengkak. tak lawa shudah :p ngehehe. dh baca yek.huhu. hep hep. nombor tu nombor kira2 beli barang kot ntah zaman bila punya. n nombor telefon tu plak yg agaknya pakcik kedai mamak punya kot. mau ka? :p


  10. So'od says on :

    salam sarah..
    well neurology has never been my favourite subject too..
    its like belajar pasal otak saraf semua (neuroanatomy la ni) tp otak kita lak yg pening.. ehehe..
    but undoubtedly, its one of the most important discipline in medicine..
    dan byk lg area yg belum didiscover lg..
    sy sgt salute dgn neurologist/neurosurgeon.. especially Dr. Jafri Malin of HUSM tu.. he’s really good..

    one more thing, your entry just reminds me of one the patients i used to follow-up back then.. she had multiple sclerosis.. shes nice, cheerful and always optimistic.. xtau apa dah jd dgn dia skrg.. erm myb sy tulis entri psl dia nanti..


  11. faisal says on :

    Thanks sarah, dengan cara sarah cite camni secara tak langsung sypun bleh hayati kebesaranNya bersama..walau apapun moga kita diberikan kesihatan yg baik sepanjang hidup kita..tu nikmat Allah yg hanya dihargai oleh org yg sakit je biasanya..:)

    sarah, reti porak makno ne lagu kie?hehe..


  12. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Dr. Am:
    haah. it’s tough though it’s very important. mcm mana lah ada yg sanggup specialize dlm bidang ni ye. hehe. Dr. Jafri Malin. namanya sgt familiar. mcm kenal je orgnya. sy pun pernah ada patient yg ada multiple sclerosis. pun perempuan. and because of her MS, dia punya dimentia sgt teruk. kesian dia. baru buat 10 minit td, dia dah lupa semula apa dia buat td. sy tunggu entry tu. misti sgt best!

    sy faham maknanya acai. dont play play with me aa.. hehehe. kalau 1 hari nnti sy tulis entry guna bahasa jawa, sy takut awk tak tido mlm je nnti. huhu. jom main badminton guna buah keras :p


  13. fizz says on :

    sarah,hmm sy pon kurang arif dlm bab2 nie, tp betul kata sarah, kasih sayang ahli keluarga dan teman rapat sngt penting untuk beri mereka galakan dan dorongan untuk terus tabah menghadapi dugaan dari-Nya.

    #orang temerloh eks, xsangka..sebab saya org jerantut 😀
    Oh lupa, sy minta izin utk add link sarah yer, boleh? 😛


  14. Faresya Fareed says on :

    ish…mcam lah…x paham sgt…hehe


  15. cikgu jawe says on :

    (bahasa jawa):)

    kabare sarah. enak lagu e tombo ati gui. njero makna ne.

    tulisan ne sampaian pasal perubatan, walaupun aku orak patio paham, tapi sak korang nge nambahi ilmu kulo jugak.

    sing apik2 yo. sabar wae kambek payah he ilmu. akeh ganjaran ne seko pangeran.



  16. cikgu jawe says on :

    tombo ati = penawar hati, ubat hati.


  17. Pengusaha Cowbra says on :

    ohh ! tombo ati itu penawar hati. ahaks!

    lau nak ckp ‘kamu penawar hatiku’ camne eyh,cekgu jawe?hiks!

    erk! xmo ahh nomor itu. hahak!


  18. cikgu jawe says on :


    lau nak ckp ‘kamu penawar hatiku’ camne eyh,cekgu jawe?hiks!

    biase org kampung aku kata:

    you are my heart



  19. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Fizz (ke kak Fizz?):
    yup. sy org temerloh. org jerantut ye? kat belah mana ye? huhu. excited sbb kenal org kampung sndirik. len kali boleh la kita ckp loghat kita. biar acai dgn cikgu jawa tenganga baca. huhu. nnti sy link kn awk sekali ye.

    satu hari nnti kamu akn faham insya Allah 🙂 ks tingin nak jln2 kt tmpt2 yg kamu dh gi tu!

    Cikgu Jawe:
    sy faham semua yg cikgu tulis tu. hehe. tombo ati = ubat hati 🙂 sy dh tau tu. tu yg jd minat dgn nasyid ni tu. eh, sy penah bgtau cikgu dh kan pasal ni kan? hehe.

    huhu. mmg taknak kasi ryn no tu. tp nak kasi no lain. sure awk sukanya 😀

    Cikgu Jawe:
    ewah3. hebat bebenor org kampung cikgu! org kampung sy plak dia cakap cenggini: Ti mayo serdse
    huhu. ryn, awk boleh pilih nak guna bahasa org kampung mana pun yg awk suka ye 🙂


  20. silent reader says on :

    dulu sy igtkan Spinocerebellar Atrophy ni fiksi semata2 dlm 1 Litre Tears tu… lps tu baru sy search dan baca byk psl penyakit nih.. huhuh….

    kebetulan… sgt kebetulan… sy jumpe nota lama tertulis “jangan ada benci” & contengan tarikh2 utk lawatan ke klinik Neurologi.

    so, good luck Dr Sarah 😉


  21. ytmz says on :

    Kiraan matematik disertakan dengan no telefon seseorang? Mungkin mengira bil telefon yang perlu dibayar hasil menelefon teman dalam masa yang lama?


  22. Ida says on :

    salam kak sarah 🙂

    one litre of tears tersangat sedih! 🙁
    saya pun tak tau sangat pasal perubatan ni.bila baca, dapat la ilmu .

    saya suka lagu tombo ati tu~ ;D


  23. akirasuri says on :

    cite aya sedih :((
    bukan takat seliter tapi berliter2 cik ati nangeh :((


  24. inah says on :

    citer one litre of tears mmg sedih..anyway..x ramai neurologist kat malaysia..rasanya kurang 20 orang..dan kebanyakan dah tua..

    kalo sarah nak jadi..x de masalah..

    nape sarah x nak jadi gyne? penting sgt..makcik akak (pakar kat pantai)kata gyne pempuan semakin susut 🙁


  25. azreen says on :

    Hye Kak Sarah!
    its me Azreen. hehehe..
    i am now back into blogging world.
    tapi kat

    🙂 hehehe…
    you’re invited there.


    p/s: One Litre Of tears tu sedih citer dia


  26. Faresya Fareed says on :

    ye!ks…ajak geng ks gi situ..hehe..nnti fare gi london lgi ngan geng n ckgu fare jek,gi teater the lion king.blan mac fare akn amik gmr geng fare..hehe


  27. mardiah says on :

    Salam ziarah. 🙂

    Ha’ah, pesakit2 neurology mmg sadis sket. Sebab dalam bidang neurology ni, diagnosis je yang beria, tapi bile part treatment, mostly conservative as most of the prognosis are very poor.

    Bab cardiothoracic surgeon tu, i remembered my lecturer (Mr Sultan, who is a vascular surgeon), said that, it is not a promising field and its going to extinct soon. I don’t quite understand what does he mean by that, the only thing i can figured out is: the things that cardiothoracic surgeon can do are limited (CABG, Lung Lobectomy, Valve replacement..n few other things je), which sometimes redundant dengan other specialties like vascular surgeon, and also, cardiologist as they also do minor things as well.

    Entahlah, anyways, we need more doctors in IJN, no doubt about that, as heart problems (e.g.MI) are the no 1 killer in malaysia, kedua, RTA? huhu…

    Thats all for now. Nice blog u have here, keep writing, wassalam.


  28. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Silent Reader:
    mmg bukan fiksi. lg pun, cerita tu kan based on real story. oh, kebetulan ye? tp knp ada tarikh2 kena ke klinik neurology? awk ni sakit ke?

    eh bukan tau. sy guna prepaid kat sini. jadinya, takdelah bil2 yg sampai. lg pun, tak bergayut pun :p bergayut nak kasi tinggi adalah!

    akk pun suka jgk. lama akk tak ke blog kamu kan. suka ye lagu tu 🙂 akk pun. hehe.

    Cik Ati:
    berliter2 ye? sy nangis kat part tgh2 je. hujung2 tu tak nangis dh pun. dah kental. hehe.


  29. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Kak Inah:
    sy kurang minat la neurologist. kena deal dgn penyakit yg sy tak tahan tgk patient endure them. pasal gyne plak, hmm… ntah. kurang minat :p tp boleh je kalau 1 hari nnti ditakdirkn specialize dlm bidang ni. hehe

    yeay! dh ada blog baru! akn segera ke sana! haah. mmg sedih.. sob sob..

    ks tunggu kamu nak cite psl geng2 kamu kat sana plak. mcm manalah rupa diorg yek. ngehehe.

    Kak Mardiah:
    so i guess that u are a doctor 🙂 my pleasure to meet u here. abt the cardiothoraxix surgeon issue, i started knowing abt it since i was in standard 6. i watched national geographic back then. yet, it covered abt the cardiologist aspect only. nothing much abt the surgical. but when i learnt that cardiologist is quite simple to deal with, no surgeries to be done, its kind of not challenging. i want the surgical to be apart of my task too. so, CTS suits my mission more. n i believe that 1 day the need is increasing. i mean, for a CTS. CTS have to cover alot more jobs that cant simply done by other types of surgeon. after all, what im trying to say, i actly love cardiology n surgery both. thats why i came out with such decision. hehe.


  30. tiangpurnama says on :

    patutla,masa mula2 baca cam penah dengar simptom2 2,cam cerita Aya rupanya..betapa KELUARGA dan SAHABAT itu sumber kekuatan anugerah Yg Maha Kuasa


  31. Sarah Mohd Shukor says on :

    Tiang Purnama:
    haah. cerita Aya tu. one litre of tears.


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